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Today I started decorating for Christmas. I guess since Advent begins on Sunday I am starting to feel some Christmas spirit. What you see in this picture is the extent of my decorating. I spent the rest of the day cleaning/organizing my studio. Now I have to go and create something or finish one of several projects I have started.
All week I have been gathering arbitrary thoughts and ideas to write about. But I have not been able to carve out time to write and my internet was down for a day. So here are my random thoughts, opinions and insights on my experiences during the last week of November. 
I have been noticing lately how fast my world is moving. I feel like I have just climbed out of bed when I climbing back in. Here is PJ turning twelve. I closed my eyes for an instant and here is PJ turning seventeen . His birthday was Monday but we had his dinner on Sunday. Our tradition is the birthday boy/girl gets to pick whatever they want for dinner. PJ picked "applescratch
"(that is another post)
. This woman made his birthday wish come true.
Yes my dear darling mother bought my son a car for his 17'th birthday. She actually allocated so much money for a car and then took him to Carmax and helped him choose the "perfect" automobile. Me, the mom, got to drive the 5 speed Nissan an hour home yesterday in suburban Washington D.C. rush hour at dusk. I once had a standard car but that was 20+ years ago and before my left knee started showing signs of arthritis. I think I aged another five years in that hour. As Allison said,"you did great Mom you only stalled out once."
This morning I stepped outside and realized fall is giving way to winter. The leaves have finally fallen enough that we now have a view of the lake. The first snow is so random. Some years we have a snow fall before Christmas and other years we do not see a snowflake until January. I am trying to get myself geared up to bring dig out the outside Christmas lights. It is not Pats favorite job. So I try to get them started and he usually finishes. Of course Megan and Justin want all the "fun" decorations. What is Christmas without a blow up santa, snowman, or snow globe in the front yard? I continually shout NO! NO! NO! Last year I did relent slightly and allowed for colored lights out front.
Once again my younger two children wonder why they got the mom who loves traditional Christmas decor with a nature theme. This is the same Mom who hates the mall and most things over commercialized.
I find the holiday season somewhat daunting. I love the spirit of Christmas but find the commercialization of the season overwhelming.
I am trying to focus on a few specific words this year which are, PEACE, JOY,and LOVE.
I am also trying to meditate 15 minutes every day with this lovely meditation from Thich Nhat Hanh.
Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment,
I know this is a wonderful moment.
My last four days have been filled with insight and inspiration. I have spent a great deal of time over last year searching for answers. But during these last four days I have tried to listen .
On Tuesday November 20, 2007 I wrote ……
It is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It is a time when the words “What are you thankful for?” resonate in the air. I am having a very difficult time with this question. At this moment my thankfulness list is short. Pat is entering a day program for depression for the next three days and my children are going to the beach to be with my mother ,sisters and their families. PJ is staying home with Pat and I. His friends are home from college and he needs the connection of his friends. As the day has progressed Pat and his therapist have decided to create an outpatient type program for Pat without him having to be in a hospital from 9-3 every day. I am staying home to help facilitate this process. To be a support and a solid foundation. I have so many mixed emotions about separating my family this Thanksgiving holiday. After writing this I did not want to share my feelings so I did not post it. I needed time to have these feelings reside within me. I needed to be present with these feelings.
thank goodness I waited and pondered the words I wrote on Tuesday. These last few days have been a gift to me. It has been days spent learning to understand my needs in conjunction with those who share my world.
I have spent much time over the last few days in this room writing, meditating ,and praying. I love this room and the feeling of security it offers me.
I love watching the leaves fall. I love the color of the fall leaves. I am memorized by the leaves on the deck that have already turned brown with their edges curling inward. A metaphor to myself, if I continue to only look down and search for answers I will become like the leaves on the deck. I know now that I have turn my vision upward and at the same time listen.
Yesterday brought me smiles and laughs.
It should probable be its own post titled “The day my Mom took me and Dad to yoga and therapy”.
Yes, I did ask both Pat and PJ to attend my 9:15 a.m.yoga class. They both came. I wanted to sneak a camera in but did not think the rest of the class would understand when," I need one picture of these two silly arrogant men for my blog".
Later in the day I arranged for PJ to meet Pat's therapist and ask any questions he might have on trying to understand his "crazy" parents. I want him to be involved in his dad's recovery but I do not want him to feel burdened by the depression. I also want him to learn that life is full of obstacles. It is learning to appreciate these obstacles that make you a healthier and compassionate individual. Both encounters were successful. I am so proud of my son for reaching outside his comfort zone to appease his mom. He is an amazing strong, sweet and stubborn child. One of the gifts these past few days has given me is alone time with Pat and PJ.
For today I am going to follow my dogs lead and go outside. I have also learned these past few days that I need to spend more time outdoors becoming grounded and solid in my foundation. The more solid and secure I am the more capable I am to offer my love and support to those around me.
Vision
"Vision moves us more efficiently than will-power; we are more often
drawn into the fullness of our being than we are pushed into it. Let
your eyes and your imagination soar and your body will follow. The
great power that propels us — the prime mover — is that inner vision of
how our best possible self we see with 'the eye of the soul.' As the
acorn yearns to become an oak tree, we are drawn toward our ideal
future by a magnetic force, an inner homing device. What the great
spiritual traditions call 'hope' is the veiled vision of our now and
future unfolding."
— Learning to Fly Trapeze — Reflections on Fear, Trust, and the Joy of Letting Go
I am finished and ready to put on a shelf my journal, which I titled Finding Grace.
I started this journal in June. I was attempting to make sense of my life and answers to the question why? Why so much death and depression in a year?
As I was searching for answers I found the word grace. I pondered what does grace mean to me. I associate the following words with a grace.
Love
Believe
Soul
Spirit
Faith
Freedom
Breath
Connection
Then I asked myself the following question.
How do I find grace on a daily basis? How do I live a grace-filled life.
1. Let go
2. Meditate every day for 15 minutes
3. Do Yoga as often as possible
4. Create everyday
5. Live with intention
6. Connect with others
7. Breath
Frederick Franck words resonate with me.
“DISCOVERS: 
One’s art to be outside the art game
One’s faith outside the religious game
One’s love outside the sex game
DISCOVER:
One’s own little song
And dares to sing it
In all variations
Unsuited as it may be
For mass communication
FOR PERHAPS
Here and there
Someone will hear it
And listen and know
And say
AH!
YES!”
I cannot control life! I cannot control my husband’s depression or my daughter’s autism. But I can control how I approach and deal with these situations. Now I know I want to approach all aspects of my life with grace, always grace.
Here is what I did this Saturday night......
Now I must go to bed because I have to be at the yoga studio at 830.
TTFN
" In a world of speed and distraction, pace of guidance invites us to combine the practices of measured movement and listening......when we move at pace, we have time to question and time to listen for answers before moving on."Christina Baldwin
After the morning left me feeling unnerved and
unhinged I decided I needed to breath and find some peace. I built a
fire cleaned the house all the while continuing to pay bills. Finally
by late afternoon I needed to paint. So here are some paintings I am
finally willing to call finished.
For today I offer for all who read this post this amazing poem/mantra I stumbled upon this morning. To be honest I must have discovered this poem several years ago but for what ever reason I was not ready for these words. This morning I found the book The Seven Whispers by Christina Baldwin on my book shelf. TTFN, Susan
maintain peace of mind
move at the pace of guidance
practice certainty of purpose
surrender to surprise
ask for what you need and offer what you can
love the folks in front of you
return to the world
I did my best to live these words today. After doing morning chores, I went to yoga. Then I headed to the studio where I helped paint the theatre for a dance cabaret this weekend. I forgot my camera so I was not able to photograph the finished project. But my hands illustrate the colors that are now all over the set. Thank goodness most of the teal dye came off my hands in the shower this morning. 
I have been so scattered these last few days that I have had difficulty trying to compose a post. This is what I have been doing painting, stenciling, spray painting, knitting, and playing the piano. I am also sorting through cabinets and finishing Megan’s room. 
So many creative ideas swirling around my head but I am not acting on any of the ideas. I need to be pushed made to create for several days. On Sunday I decided to get the kids involved with my journal projects. Maybe there energy would help motivate me. We got out wallpaper scraps, paints, and glue. Megan and her friend Micheal went to work. 
It worked I have spent many hours trying to finish this journal. I will photograph it tomorrow. I love what Megan created. She has started her own creative journal. No consistent thoughts, I start a sentence in my head and next moment I am off to another random thought . Last night Megan and Justin where being the house photographers. Here are so examples of there work. 
Justin photographed me in my favorite chair. I think I was reading blogs as I had no creative sense last night. 
Justin with Maggie posing for Megan.
Then the random photographs.
Tomorrow I am photographing art work.
“T-T-F-N" or "Ta Ta For Now"
Today was one of those magical days. I started my day by reading this definition of Namaste
The gesture Namaste represents the belief that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart chakra. The gesture is an acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. "Nama" means bow, "as" means I, and "te" means you. Therefore, Namaste literally means "bow me you" or "I bow to you."
After Alli's JRA doctors visit I decided we needed a mall afternoon. There was a fabulous mall five minutes from the doctors office. Since she was so brave having her knee drained and injected with cortisone (this was not the first time) she needed a day all about Alli. First stop was the Mac cosmetic counter at Nordstrom. We quickly realized with our freshly made up faces that our hair needed styling. Apparently there was a decent salon a short distance from Nordstroms. I opted for a cut and color. Allison opted for a cut and an eyebrow wax. Next stop was the Apple store I bought Quicken for my Macbook. This was my only constructive purchase of the day. But I am not looking at that software until tomorrow. After a short stroll around the mall, we headed back to the shoe department at Nordstroms. Apparently there was a store wide sale going on and this was the first day. So we bought shoes, shirts and finally dinner. We had not eaten lunch because we were so preoccupied with makeup and hair. Since non of this shopping adventure was planned we kept getting phone calls from family members wondering why we were not home. The more elated we sounded with our day the more disgruntled Megan ( Alli's younger sister) became on the phone. Honestly how could we ever be successful shopping without Megan there to direct us? Being a good mom I did order Megan a pair of fleece lined crocs to be mailed directly to the house. Finally with our hands filled with shopping bags we decided it was time to find the car and head home. Once home we modeled all our new treasures for anyone interested. Who knew a trip to the mall could be so fun?
Namaste
