ARTFUL GATHERINGS

Happy Halloween

Today I am combining two posts in one.....
Wellness Wednesday and Inspire me Thursday      

1 WITCH. Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.          
2 WITCH. Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin’d.
3 WITCH. Harpier cries:—’tis time! ’tis time!
1 WITCH. Round about the caldron go;
        In the poison’d entrails throw.—
        Toad, that under cold stone,
        Days and nights has thirty-one;
        Swelter’d venom sleeping got,
        Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot!
ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;
        Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
2 WITCH. Fillet of a fenny snake,
        In the caldron boil and bake;
        Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
        Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
        Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,
        Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing,—
        For a charm of powerful trouble,
        Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;
        Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
3 WITCH. Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;
        Witches’ mummy; maw and gulf
        Of the ravin’d salt-sea shark;
        Root of hemlock digg’d i the dark;
        Liver of blaspheming Jew;
        Gall of goat, and slips of yew
        Sliver’d in the moon’s eclipse;
        Nose of Turk, and Tartar’s lips;                     
        Finger of birth-strangled babe
        Ditch-deliver’d by a drab,—
        Make the gruel thick and slab:
        Add thereto a tiger’s chaudron,
        For the ingrediants of our caldron.
ALL. Double, double toil and trouble;
        Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
2 WITCH. Cool it with a baboon’s blood,
        Then the charm is firm and good.

Today for Wellness Wednesday on Halloween let you inner child surface. Today be a child and marvel at what this day has to offer. Remember rushing home from school to make sure your costume was perfect for this evening of witches, ghosts and goblins. Remember trying to find a pillow case your Mom would let you take out of the house. Remember trying to force down dinner because you had to eat something healthy before all that candy. Remember being devastated if the night was freezing and you were made to wear a coat. Remember the houses that were almost to scary to approach. Remember what candy was the favorite that year. Remember returning home to sort your candy. Remember trading your candy with friends, brothers and sisters. Remember getting yelled at for leaving your candy on the floor for the dog to eat. Remember trying to find the perfect hiding place for your candy that your siblings would not find. Remember being confused because it looked like someone had been in your candy but everyone was at school, only to find out years later that Mom also had a sweet tooth. Remember when you were suddenly old and it was not "cool" to go trick or treating. Remember when you stayed home to give out the candy at the door.
For today be thankful for the child in all of us. For today try not to let the stress of every day life overwhelm you. Enjoy the beauty of this day all the marvelous fall colors, the orange of the pumpkins, the purple in Indian corn, the red in the maple leaves all mirrored against the green that has not yet turned to brown.
Enjoy this day of witches and goblin. Enjoy a few pieces of candy. To those people you meet today who are cantankerous ,irritable, or simple bad-tempered remember.....

"Double, double toil and trouble;
        Fire burn, and caldron bubble....Cool it with a baboon’s blood,
        Then the charm is firm and good."

Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is Hatred, let me sow Love.
Where there is Injury, Pardon.
Where there is Doubt, Faith.
Where there is Despair, Hope.
Where there is Darkness, Light, and
Where there is Sadness, Joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

The past few days have been difficult. I have become overwhelmed with sadness. An all consuming sadness that wants to destroy me. I have had periods of despair, gloominess, and dejection. But I have never before felt so completely consumed by sadness.
I just finished speaking with my Mom on the telephone and she reminded me that tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. He would have been eighty. So I do believe all the sorrow I am feeling is the grief I have tried so hard to manage over the past year. I know you cannot manage grief but everyone around me was falling apart so I felt I had no choice but to be the strong one, the glue to hold everyone else together. Glue exposed to harsh elements dries up and cracks. Yesterday I cracked. I am not humble enough(yet) to give the details.
As I was cracking I migrated to my bed and my faithful companions stayed with me . The other two dogs were not willing to have their picture taken. Looking back over the past year I do not think I could have changed anything. The year unfolded in the way it was meant to. The one lesson I have learned is I cannot manage grief. Elizabeth Lessing wrote a passage comparing grief to a river.

" I know now that grief is a river running through my heart. I know that if I block the way, the water dams up, builds pressure, and spills over, making me sick, or hostile or tired. Grief turns into joy when we get out of the way, let the river flow, and wait for the water to settle and clear. Its that simple, and that difficult, and that magical."
                                                                                                                         Elizabeth Lessing
 
I have learned the lesson of this passage. All year I kept blocking my grief, holding it tighter and tighter inside me. Yesterday when the dam broke I was sick, and hostile. Today I am tired, weary to the bone exhausted. I will continue to pray to St.Francis and ask that my sadness turn into joy.

CONTROL

I have been working this past month with the production side of Zombie Prom a musical. What a perfect example of the word control . I am in complete control of the set.
I design  the set and and I am in control of the design getting built. But once I pass the set over to the director and the actors I loose all  control. The set is theirs to act as they choose with the directors direction but once those seats are filled and the house lights dim it is the actors who are in control.

Brokenness is Freedom

  "Rhinoceros Fan"
                case #25

Today for Wellness Wednesday I am posting pages of my journal. I have been very intrigued by the koan I have posted here on the left.
I did some research and the rhinoceros in Zen is considered a symbol comparable to an ox. It may symbolize anything from true mind, Buddha nature, to Gods truth.
My advice for this day is to read the pages I have posted and meditate on the words. Think about what it means to be broken, not to have it all together. To be lost in todays world.

Natalie Goldberg has a wonderful explanation

"Yanguan was asking this of his student (and us): Take a tremendous step - not forwards but backwards - into your essential nature. Manifest your original face.Don't get stuck on something broken - a heart a wish. Become the rhinoceros - reveal your full self, go to the source, nothing hidden"

SWIRLING AROUND

Today I continued working with“loving detachment”. I started off my day meditating with a Pema Chodrin CD and I did a yoga class this evening. Trying to detach has left me feeling very vulnerable and sad. Maybe I feel so exposed because I do not feel grounded.  My insides are swirling around as if I have been spinning in circles for hours.
I keep singing in my head one of my favorite Mary Chapin Carpenter song's.......

I can recall the sound of the wind
As it blew throught the trees and the trees would bend
I can recall the smell of the rain
On a hot summer night
Coming through the screen

I'd crawl in your bed when the lightning flashed
And I'd still be there when the storm had passed
Dead to the world, to the morning cast
Its light all around your room

We lived on a street where the tall elm shade
Was as green as the grass and as cool as a blade
That you held in your teeth as we lay on our backs
Staring up at the blue and the blue stared back

I used to believe we were just like those trees
We'd grown just as tall and as proud as we pleased
With our feet on the ground and our arms in the breeze
Under a sheltering sky

Twirl me about, and twirl me around
Let me grow dizzy and fall to the ground
And when I look up at you looking down,
Say it was only a dream

A big truck was parked in the drive one day
They wrapped us in paper and moved us away
Your room was no longer next door to mine
And this kid sister thing was old by that time

But oh how our dreams went bump in the night
And the voices downstairs getting into a fight
And the next day a silence you could cut with a knife
And feel like a blade at your throat

Twirl me about and twirl me around
Let me grow dizzy and fall to the ground
When I look up at you looking down
Say it as only a dream

The day you left home you got an early start
I watched your car back out in the dark
I opened the door to your room down the hall
I turned on the light
And all that I saw
Was a bed and a desk and couple of tacks
No sign of someone who expects to be back
It must have been one hell of a suitcase you packed

Twirl me about, twirl me around
Let me grow dizzy and fall to the ground
When I look up at you looking down
Say it was only a dream

I am trying not to disconnect from everyone and everything. I do have so much in my life I am grateful for. I am blessed with wonderful friends and I can not imagine where I would be if it were not for these special few. At this moment my head is trying desperately to connect to my pillow. My dream is to live my life without expectations. My intentions are to do the best I  can do at any given moment. I want to grow up to be as tall and as proud as the trees with my feet on the ground and my arms in the breeze.
..........and to all a good night.

Wellness Wednesday-BELIEVE

BELIEVE in your self. Sounds like a simple mind set to carry with you for the day. Is it simple? How many of us honestly believe in ourselves? Do we offer ourselves loving kindness, do we allow ourselves to detach from situations or people that are harmful to our well being,  do we listen to our bodies and slow down when we need to...do we believe in and trust our own feelings/needs/intuitions?
One way I bring focus back to myself is by journaling. I have several journals. In one book I just write what ever is foremost in my mind. I write about anything and everything. (I blog of my soul.) Sometimes I just write words that arise in my mind as I contemplate a certain situation or feeling. Note: I am simple taking me emotional temperature I am not attempting to solve anything. In another journal I play with paints, crayons, magazine pictures and my own drawings. I may create something joyful, sad, funny, serious......whatever I am feeling I work with that emotion.
Today I have been journaling about the phrase "detach with love". I was told yesterday, by my wonderful counselor/guardian angel I needed to work on detaching myself from certain situations.  I awoke this morning realizing I was very agitated by this request. First I looked up the definition for detachment
Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse affects of another person’s behavior* can be a means of detaching: This does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively.

Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still Love the person without liking the behavior. 
~ Al-Anon Family Groups
My Situation has nothing to do with alcohol or substance abuse but this definition is perfect. By detaching with love I am detaching from the problem not the person. I realize I am being vague but I do not have the courage to dig any deeper at the moment it is to painful.
So for today I am going to practice believing in myself. I will attempt to listen to my inner voice and honor that voice.
Today follow your heart be your authentic self. Be loving, joyful, compassionate and free. Remember to always BELIEVE.

A Toast to books

I remember several years ago when my dear friend  C made a comment that he bought a book he already owned. I thought how odd does he not remember what books he has purchased or owns. Little did I know that I would be following in his footsteps .Yes I am addicted to books thank you C. Yes I buy several copies of the same title. Because if you own a signed hardback first edition ,first printing with a perfect dustcover then you must also own a reading copy of the same book. Yes sometimes I do order a book I already own simple because I forgot I owned it. Today once again my addiction was validated by the mailman. This was in my package that arrived today from Alibris. I love this book site because it offers everything from Rare collectible books to used paperbacks. The books is this pile are...
1.Foreign Affairs by Alison Lurie
2.The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
3. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
4.The Optimists Daughter by Eudora Welty
5. Lovingkindness by Sharon Salzburg
The one area I have deviated from C is i buy paperbooks, he is cringing as he reads this.The reason is I pass many books on to my mother and friends and have lost many hardbacks along the way. Once I have read the book and love it than of course I go searching for the perfect hardback. This is not to say I only buy paperbooks but I try only to lend paperbacks.
But before I start one of these titles I must finish Run by Ann Patchett. I have loved many of her other books including Bel Canto, The Patron Saint of Liars, and Truth and Beauty.
After reading Kateri's  wonderful post about beer, I may have to pour myself one as I continue to read Run. I wish you all a wonderful fall weekend. A toast to books.. Cheers

Help Wanted

Yesterday I was supposed to write a post for Wellness Wednesday. But I have been in a dreadful mood. I searched inside myself for a feeling or idea that would alleviate this mood and be the theme for my post. The more I searched my mind for this glimmer of hope, spark of light, ray of sunshine the more I felt myself resisting. For this week I will refrain from writing about wellness. Instead I will share the reason for my mood and maybe somebody somewhere will have a solution.
The reason for my mood is I need to find a part time job. I do not need an enormous salary  just enough to help pay for the extras around this house. I consider the extras to be...cell phones, cable for the television and the computer, football, dance classes, and there are other nonessential but feel essential items. After searching the classifieds and other job site listing my mood went from being annoyed  and frustrated to dark and mean.

I want to do something creative.
I did own my own business for several years, I do manage my house with four children a multitude of animals and a husband. I have worked in design stores and I do have a degree in interior design. BUT 
I am scared to death to work for someone and be committed to a daily schedule. My life with four children, non of which drive, is a constant bed of activity. The grocery shopping, laundry and housekeeping is constant and then add all after school activities and dare I forget doctors, dentist and orthodontist. I know there is room somewhere in all of this for a part time job.But what, where, when and how?
So tonight I will pray to all my angels in heaven and all of you who may read this for help. Any ideas or suggestions will be greatly appreciated
I wish you all a Happy Friday.

 

Open

The theme this week for  illustration friday   is OPEN. My drawing illustrates ....

1. What I found when I OPENED my sketch book..
2. What happens when you OPEN your eyes.
3. OPEN texture it can be porous or perforated.
4. You are OPEN when you have no barriers.

Free as a Bird

              TODAY  I  AWOKE

Today I awoke, finally I see the Self has re-turned to the Self.
The Self is none other than the Self.
I am deathless. I am endless. I am free.
The birds outside sing...
The birds outside sing and there am I.
The seeing of leaves on the trees, that seeing am I.
The body breathes, breathing am I.
I am awake and I know that I am awake.
Seen from the old eyes, everything is asleep, a game, a delusion.
But now I am awake. I am the play. I am the game. I am the delusion.
I am the enlightenment I sought, looking everywhere.
Nothing is separate, nothing is alone.
I am all that I see. All that I smell, taste, touch, feel, think and know.
I am awake and this awakeness is the same as Shyakyamuni Buddha's.
Today the leaf has returned to the root.
I am all name and form and beyond all name and form.
I am Spirit, no longer trapped in a body.
I am free. I am free because I am awake.
So ordinary. Who would have thought ? Who could have guessed?
I am home. I am really home. Ten thousand life times.
Ten thousand life times but today I am home.
Ten thousand life times but today I am home.
This is not an experience. This is me.
I am awake. Finally, I am awake.
Nothing has changed, but I am awake.
Before I tasted the root many times and felt, how delicious.
Today I became the root. How ordinary.

Adyashanti

I did this journal page and then came across this poem.  I felt the poem needed to go with the artwork.
It has been one of those days. I have felt lost all day and have had difficulty focusing on the tasks I have needed to complete. These pages illustrate my mood better than words .